Surrogacy Expectations vs. Reality: What You Need to Know
Surrogacy is often viewed as a straightforward path to parenthood, but the reality can be more complex. While it offers hope to individuals and couples who struggle with infertility, surrogacy also comes with unique challenges that many don’t anticipate.
Understanding the difference between expectations and reality can help you make an informed decision if surrogacy is the right option for you.
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What Is Surrogacy?
Surrogacy involves a surrogate mother carrying a pregnancy for intended parents who, for various reasons, cannot conceive or carry a pregnancy themselves. Surrogacy can take two forms:
- Traditional Surrogacy: The surrogate uses her own egg and is artificially inseminated, meaning she is biologically related to the child.
- Gestational Surrogacy: The surrogate carries an embryo created using the intended parents’ or donors’ eggs and sperm, so she has no genetic relationship to the child.
Most people today opt for gestational surrogacy, as it offers a clearer legal and emotional separation between the surrogate and the child.
Expectations vs. Reality: What to Consider
Surrogacy – Expectations vs Reality: Many people enter the surrogacy journey with expectations shaped by media portrayals or the experiences of others. However, surrogacy is often far more nuanced.
1. Expectation: A Smooth and Quick Process
Reality: Surrogacy is complex, requiring time, patience, and multiple steps. The entire process can take anywhere from 18 months to 2 years, sometimes longer. Here’s a breakdown of the timeline:
|
Stage |
Expected Duration |
|
Screening and Legal Process |
2-3 months |
|
Matching with a Surrogate |
3-6 months |
|
Embryo Transfer and Pregnancy |
9 months (plus any necessary IVF cycles) |
|
Post-Birth Legalities |
1-3 months (depending on local laws) |
Factors like finding the right surrogate, legal documentation, and successful IVF can introduce delays.
2. Expectation: A Guaranteed Pregnancy
Reality: Pregnancy is never guaranteed, even with surrogacy. While IVF is effective, not every embryo transfer results in a pregnancy. Several cycles may be required, adding to the emotional and financial toll. Success rates vary based on the surrogate’s health, the quality of the embryos, and other factors.
3. Expectation: Surrogacy Is Just a Transaction
Reality: Surrogacy involves deep emotional connections and can be overwhelming. It’s common for intended parents to focus on the legal and financial aspects, but surrogacy is an emotional experience. Many intended parents form strong bonds with their surrogates, who are often deeply invested in helping them fulfill their dream of parenthood.
Both parties must manage emotions surrounding the pregnancy, delivery, and the transition of the child to their parents after birth. These emotional complexities may extend beyond the birth, making open and honest communication essential throughout the process.
4. Expectation: Surrogacy Is Affordable
Reality: Surrogacy can be financially demanding. Surrogacy is one of the most expensive fertility treatments, particularly in countries like the U.S. Costs can range from $80,000 to $150,000, depending on various factors such as:
|
Cost Component |
Approximate Amount |
|
Surrogate Compensation |
$30,000 – $50,000 |
|
IVF and Medical Expenses |
$20,000 – $40,000 |
|
Legal and Agency Fees |
$10,000 – $20,000 |
|
Travel and Accommodation (if necessary) |
Varies |
While surrogacy-friendly countries such as Ukraine or Georgia offer lower costs, additional expenses related to legalities, travel, and accommodations may still add up.
Additional Guides for Surrogate Mother:
Find a Surrogate Mother With or Without an Agency
In Which Country I Find Low-Cost Surrogate Mothers (in 2023)?
How can I Find a Surrogate Without Agency
What is the Age Limit for Surrogate Mothers
How Much Does Surrogacy Cost Using Family Member
How to Start the Gestational Surrogacy Process? A step-by-step guide for Beginners
How Much Does Surrogacy Cost? Everything You Need To Know (in 2023)
5. Expectation: All Surrogacy Laws Are Clear and Universally Applied
Reality: Surrogacy laws vary significantly by region and can be complicated. Surrogacy laws differ not only between countries but also within regions of the same country. In some places, commercial surrogacy (where the surrogate is paid beyond basic medical expenses) is illegal, while in others, it’s fully legal. For example:
|
Country/Region |
Surrogacy Status |
|
United States |
Legal in some states (e.g., California) but restricted or illegal in others (e.g., New York) |
|
Canada |
Altruistic surrogacy legal, but commercial surrogacy is illegal |
|
UK |
Altruistic surrogacy legal, with strict regulations |
|
India |
Banned commercial surrogacy as of 2018 |
It’s critical to understand the legal framework in your country or the country where surrogacy will take place. Legal complexities around parental rights, citizenship for the child, and post-birth processes can be more challenging than initially expected.
6. Expectation: No Medical Risks for the Surrogate
Reality: Like any pregnancy, surrogacy carries medical risks. Surrogates, even when healthy, face the same medical risks as any pregnant woman. These can include:
- Gestational diabetes
- Pre-eclampsia
- Cesarean section
- Preterm labor
Most surrogates undergo thorough medical screenings before the process, but risks cannot be entirely eliminated. Surrogacy agencies and fertility clinics ensure that surrogates are well-informed about these risks.
7. Expectation: Surrogacy Is Always a Positive Experience
Reality: The process can be emotionally challenging for both the surrogate and the intended parents. For intended parents, the wait can feel long, and the emotional toll of multiple failed IVF attempts or miscarriages can be devastating. For surrogates, the emotional challenge of carrying a child for someone else and the post-birth handover can be overwhelming. Proper emotional support and counseling should be available to everyone involved.
Managing Expectations in Surrogacy
Tips for a Smoother Surrogacy Journey:
- Work with an Experienced Agency
Agencies can handle everything from surrogate screening to legal contracts and medical logistics, providing a smoother journey. - Legal Representation
Both the surrogate and the intended parents should have independent legal representation to protect everyone’s interests and clarify expectations. - Open Communication
Maintaining clear, open communication between the intended parents and the surrogate is crucial. This helps address concerns, set expectations, and build trust. - Be Prepared for Delays
The surrogacy process can be lengthy. Patience is key when dealing with medical and legal procedures. - Emotional Support
Surrogacy is an emotional rollercoaster. Counseling services for both intended parents and surrogates can be incredibly helpful in navigating the emotional complexities.
FAQs for surrogacy expectation vs reality
Who can opt for surrogacy?
All would-be parents can opt for surrogacy if they are legally and financially complying with the surrogacy country.
Each surrogacy country has eligibility criteria that parents need to meet before signing the surrogacy agreement.
Just to give an example, in Eastern European Ukraine and Georgia, only married couples are allowed to opt for surrogacy. That means no single male or gay couple can do surrogacy in Ukraine/Georgia.
However, in the USA, most states do allow surrogacy but only some states like California are friendly to gay surrogacy.
In Latin American countries, Colombia’s surrogacy is secure yet affordable for gay couples. Surrogacy in Mexico is open again after the Supreme Court ruling in favor of surrogacy in June 2021.
That is why intended parents need to consult a local lawyer or an experienced surrogacy professional to seek a consultation for their specific case and then choose the surrogacy country that legally facilitates their surrogacy process.
More resources on this topic:
Best surrogacy country for gay couples
Best surrogacy countries for international surrogacy
What is the eligibility for becoming a surrogate?
Surrogacy, as earlier mentioned, is not an easy procedure for both future parents and surrogate mothers. It requires a whole lot of changes in the lifestyle of the surrogate.
While signing the surrogacy agreement it is important to consult a lawyer before signing it so as to avoid any surrogacy-related conflict in the future.
Both the intended parents and the gestational carrier should know the legal procedure before signing the contract. Here the intended parents need to identify the surrogate and know everything about her so as to ensure a successful pregnancy. Following are the conditions a surrogate need to fulfill to become a surrogate –
- Age Limit – According to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine you have to be between 21 to 45 years of age. However, some agencies might require the age to be fewer or older
- No smoking and drinking habits
- You should have a BMI of less than 30
- No major complication from previous pregnancies is required
- You should have no history of postpartum depression
- You should be raising your own child or children
- Have at least one successful pregnancy before and have no more than five vaginal births and three deliveries of a cesarean.
- Be free of treatable STDs for at least 12 months before.
- Discontinue to use of antidepressants or anti-anxiety medicines at least 12 months before the surrogacy
- Be able to travel as needed for appointments
- Wait at least 12 months from the last tattoo or piercing before starting surrogacy.
-
Is it easy to become a surrogate mother?
A Surrogate is the one who carries the child for the intended parents until the delivery of the child. Hence surrogate is the birth mother of a child.
In surrogacy, the pregnancy takes place not through sexual intercourse but through modern assisted reproductive techniques (ART) like in vitro fertilization (known as IVF cycle) and then blastocyst transfer.
In the case of the surrogate being used, the surrogate has to undergo lots of emotions and changes in her lifestyle. For example – she should think of the baby first before thinking about herself, she should quit smoking and drinking as it will impact the health of the child, she should maintain an optimum weight, avoid heavy exercise, need to go regular doctor appointments, and moreover suffer from the pain of delivering the child.
So, being a surrogate is definitely not an easy task. But surrogates, as it is said, are the angels to the intended parents. They are the ones who do it for the happiness of the intended parents and love to be pregnant.
-
How does a surrogate get pregnant?
The children born via surrogacy are the same except in the way they are conceived and not carried by the biological mother.
In conventional surrogacy, either by the intended parent or an anonymous donor, a surrogate mother is artificially inseminated and brings the baby to term. Thus, the child is genetically associated with both the surrogate mother who provides the egg and the intended father or anonymous donor. This is known as traditional surrogacy.
This is because the biological relationship between the surrogate and the child is often challenged by the facts of the parental rights case or the validity of the surrogacy agreement. Many countries prohibit traditional surrogacy agreements or, if allowed, they prohibit compensation beyond payment.
- The more common and most trusted process is gestational surrogacy, in which the surrogate only carries the baby and has no genetic link with the child. Or we can say, the gestational surrogate is just a carrier of the surrogacy baby. So, potential surrogates should consider what is the best option for them.
-
Does surrogacy go for surrogacy because of money?
Surrogacy is not easy for surrogates. Remember, no amount of money can compensate the surrogate mother for the physical and mental stress she has to go through the surrogacy procedure for almost a year or more. The psychological well-being of the surrogate is expected throughout the process.
The payment for most surrogates comes at the end of the list. In order to be a surrogate, she must fulfill the rigorous skills.
In both her body and lifestyle, she has to make adjustments. In addition, it places strict requirements on a surrogate mother’s lifestyle, activities, and daily routine.
She is responsible for the well-being of another person’s child. The childbirth itself takes nine months of her life, integrating the whole legal and medical system into an operation that lasts for more than a year.
So, the surrogate mother’s compensation is a small token from the parents to say thank you for her time and effort. They’re the altruistic females who appreciate pregnancy and want to see the growth of another family as a whole.
More topic:
All about altruistic surrogacy?
-
Surrogacy is not a cheap procedure
Sometimes the high cost of surrogacy can be really frustrating for the intended family. This is especially true in Western countries like the USA. It is an expensive procedure and also allows the surrogate to be paid a high compensation along with a high medical procedural cost.
However, surrogacy countries with affordable surrogacy costs are available. Future parents should opt for legal yet affordable countries with explicit surrogacy laws like Ukraine and Georgia for married couples and Colombia for single male/gay couples.
Conclusion – Surrogacy – Expectations vs Reality
Surrogacy can be a beautiful journey, offering the chance for individuals and couples to realize their dream of parenthood. However, it’s essential to go into the process with realistic expectations.
Surrogacy involves complex emotional, legal, financial, and medical challenges that can be surprising for those unfamiliar with the process.
By understanding the expectations versus reality, intended parents and surrogates can better prepare for the journey ahead, ensuring a smoother and more successful surrogacy experience.
So, we see there might be a huge gap in Surrogacy – Expectations vs Reality. As international surrogacy laws are changing overnight. Sometimes parents do not know all the options that might be secure and affordable as well.
So, seek a free consultation now with an experienced and trusted surrogacy consultant.
If you’d like to learn more about IVF, Egg Donation, or surrogacy services globally, check out the rest of our website at IVF Conceptions. We offer legally secure and affordable surrogacy consulting services for FREE.
Begin your surrogacy journey with IVF Conceptions today!
Mobile: +91-8800481100 ( WhatsApp, Line, Viber)
Email: neelam@ivfconceptions.com